


Well, I Was Always Here

by veemarie



Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Rewrite, Yelling, starting a little before season 1, will add more tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23062438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veemarie/pseuds/veemarie
Summary: A rewrite of Season 1-6 of Girls. Each chapter is going to be snapshots of each season. PLEASE READ THE TAGS!!
Relationships: Adam Sackler/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a small prologue to what's to come!

* * *

He was weird.  
  
That’s the first thought that went into her mind when she first saw him.   
  
He. Was. Weird.   
  
Then the next thought was…   
  
He’s fucking hot.   
  
He came into the bookstore she worked at every Thursday afternoon. He was tall, about 6’3 or 6’4, dark hair and eyes, but his most prominent feature were his ears. His ears stuck out in the most adorable way. His smile was more of a goofy grin, his laugh was infectious, voice was deep, and his hands were huge.   
  
What the fuck?   
  
The first thought that went through her mind when he put the book she had been trying to shelf on the highest shelf for her. He had come up behind her and lifted the book out of her hand and shelved it for her. When she turned around he was peering down at her with a half smirk. Clearing her throat she whispered a thanks.   
  
Looking down at the floor behind the cash register she was deep in thought. When she looked up he was looking down at her with his mouth kind of open waiting for her answer.   
  
“Excuse me?” she asked when he put the book down in front of her that he was going to buy. This guy had asked her a question but she hadn’t heard him, she had been lost in her thoughts.   
  
“Are you going on a trip or something?” he asked. His voice was deep but smooth. She didn’t understand his question until she looked down at her dance bag and let out a chuckle.   
  
“No, that’s my dance bag.” she said laughing as he scratched behind his head with a chuckle.   
  
“You’re a dancer who works in a bookstore. Awesome. So, like contemporary or hip hop or some shit?” he asked genuinely, seeming interested.   
  
“Ballet and contemporary. I teach at a small company and also dance for them too.” she answers with a wide smile. He let out a boisterous laugh at that and that’s when the word WEIRDO flashed through her mind.   
  
“So why do you work in a bookstore?” he asked as some of his hair fell into his eyes, she wanted to reach out and push it out of the way.   
  
“I’m an avid reader. Your total is 8.46.” she answered with a saccharine smile on her face. He put a 10 dollar bill down and she gave him his change and a receipt. Scoffing a bit he grabbed a pen off the counter, pulled her arm towards him and proceeded to write his name and number on her arm roughly.   
  
“Ow! That hurt!” she yelped as he just grinned at her.   
  
“That way you’ll remember to call me later.” he smirked as he grabbed his book and walked out of the store. Looking down at her arm she read the name… Adam. Hearing the bell to the door jingle as he strode back in quickly looking intense, with a question forming on his lips.   
  
“Adela! Ummm… Addy for short.” Addy said quickly as Adam gave her a grin and a nod and walked back out of the store. Addy leaned against the counter as her co-worker came out from the back letting her know that she was back from lunch. The smile didn’t leave Addy’s face the rest of that day. 

* * *

Addy walked up the stairs to the apartment she shared with her two best friends, Hannah (her neurotic, germaphobe, aspiring writer friend) and Marnie (her mothering, overbearing, art gallery working friend); tired from the hour class that she had taught that night. The sound of the girls banging around in the kitchen, not the girls Addy corrected herself, Marnie, sounded through the door as she went to unlock it. Pushing the door open she was met with a pillow to the face.  
  
“I come home and I get pummeled by a pillow, _gracias_ Hannah.” Addy laughed as she threw the pillow back at Hannah who stuck her tongue out at her.   
  
“Missed you too!” Hannah said eating a red vine and reading a book on the couch.   
  
“How was work?” Marnie asked as Addy opened her bedroom door and threw all her stuff on her bed taking off her vans and walking back out with her cell in her hand.   
  
“Meh. You need help?” Addy asked as she reached over Marnie and grabbed the cutting board. Marnie grabbed Addy’s arm with a shocked look on her face, mouth hanging open.   
  
“What is this?” Marnie asked as Addy flushed red despite her olive skin. Addy pulled her arm back laughing, “Who is Adam?!” Marnie laughed.   
  
“Wait? What? Adam? Addy, who is Adam?” Hannah asked, leaning over the couch.   
  
“No one! I’m starving, let's finish this so we can eat.” Addy said cutting up the veggies for the salad she started on. Hannah and Marnie eyed Addy with curiosity. She couldn’t take it anymore and broke out into a big smile, “So you remember weird, tall, hot guy I was telling you about?”   
  
“Comes in like every Thursday… Wait… weird, tall, hot guy’s name is Adam?” Hannah asked as Addy nodded with a big smile on her face.   
  
“Look at her, she has NOT stopped smiling. He wrote his number on your arm? Why?” Marnie asked as Hannah ‘awwwed’.   
  
“He said so I would remember to call him later. I put it in my phone and I forgot to wash it off. The girls in class were giggling and teasing me about Adam.” Addy laughed and finished with the salad.   
  
“Wait a few days to call him. You don’t want to seem too eager.” Marnie said as she pulled out the lasagna from the oven.   
  
“Finally I’m starving. You know Marnie you’ve been with Charlie for four years. The last relationship Addy was in was 2 years ago with…” Hannah stopped talking and took a sip of her water. Everyone got quiet for a moment until Addy cleared her throat.   
  
“Yeah, well I’m glad I got out of that.” Addy said, taking a sip of her beer.   
  
“We're glad that you did. Be careful with this new guy though. You never know.” Marnie said as they ate and discussed their day. 

* * *


	2. Season 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets of Addy and Adam during season 1. PLEASE READ THE TAGS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that this is only snippets of season 1 of their relationship. It doesn't go into too much detail. PLEASE READ THE TAGS!

* * *

* * *

It was one of those days; Addy felt as though her brain was about to explode as she stood behind the counter of the bookstore she worked for. She had been hooking up with Adam for the past couple of months but now she hadn’t heard from him in almost two weeks. Who did he think he was? The sex had been amazing and when he was there, he was completely there and in tune with her. So lost in her thoughts she didn’t notice the bell above the door ring.

“Hey kid.” Adam said, scaring Addy out of her thoughts.

“Hey…” Addy said, a bit taken aback by his disheveled appearance.

“Where’ve you been?” Adam asked as he leaned across the counter to kiss her but she pulled back. What game was he playing at? Whatever it was she could play it too.

“Around.” Addy said with a shrug as she examined her nails.

“Did you audition for that ballet you wanted?” Adam asked, leaning his elbows on the counter. 

Lifting an eyebrow Addy eyed him skeptically.

“I did. I got a minor soloist position.” Addy said as she relaxed and leaned against the counter towards him with a soft smile.

“How about you come over tonight and we’ll celebrate?” Adam said with a soft smile.

“Rehearsal is over at around 8:30.”

* * *

They hadn’t talked since she got back from Texas and that was over two weeks ago. Jessa told her not to worry about it, that he would show up like he always did. Hannah agreed with Jessa, Marnie told her to forget about him, and Shosh said to be patient.  
  
There he was dancing silly with some girl as Addy walked towards the room where he was and hid a bit. Suddenly, he noticed her and called out to her but she turned around and walked quickly away.  
  
“Where are you going?” Hannah asked as Addy rushed past her.  
  
“To go hide in a corner!” Addy yelled over her shoulder. 

She made her way towards the bar and grabbed a beer and twisted the top off taking a long drink of it. The girl that Adam had been dancing with came to stand next to her and grabbed a beer and tried to open it with her teeth.  
  
“These bottles are hard to open. You got a lighter?” she asked.  
  
“They’re twist off.” Addy said with a soft chuckle. The girl laughed and twisted the cap off.  
  
“Oh shit! Right on! I’m Tako with a k. It's really important to me for people to know that. How do you know Adam? Through AA?” Tako asked as Addy lifted her eyebrows in confusion.  
  
“No, he came into the book store that I work part time in.” Addy said with a soft smile.  
  
“Oh shit! You’re Adela but you like to be called Addy. Wow, you’re gorgeous. Adam said you danced and shit. He said you were a beautiful dancer and that he wanted to see you perform but that he hadn’t like talked to you recently. Oh shit I blew the anonymous. That’s like the defining thing of his, well that and books.” Tako said making Addy smile when she heard that Adam had told Tako she was a beautiful dancer.  
  
“Yeah, books I knew but the AA thing I didn’t. Maybe I should’ve asked him.” Addy said as Adam showed up out of nowhere.  
  
“Hey! I saw you and called your name but guess you didn’t hear me. Come on, let’s dance!” Adam said as he pulled Addy to the room he was in before and they started dancing silly. As always, Addy felt the pull towards him again and she felt light and warm inside.

* * *

Sitting on the front of Adam's bike as he pedaled towards the scrap yard Addy felt her grip loosening.  
  
"Adam can you slow down or stop the bike for a second so I can adjust myself." Addy said as Adam kept going.  
  
"We're almost there." Adam said as Addy tried to adjust herself but couldn't and she became a bit frustrated.  
  
"Adam just stop the bike for a second please?" Addy said as Adam slammed on the brakes and Addy flew off the bike landing on her hands and knees scraping up both.  
  
"Oh shit kid are you ok?" Adam asked worriedly as he goes to help her up but she pulls away from him and gets up into a sitting position.  
  
"You know I kinda need my knees and my legs for dancing. You could've just slowed down." Addy said annoyed as Adam sat down next to her.  
  
"Are you ok?" he asked again with concern in his eyes.  
  
"No." Addy answered as her phone rang. It was Marnie. "Hello?"  
  
" _Where are you?_ " Marnie asked.  
  
"I'll drop a pin. See you soon," Addy said hanging up, "I'm dropping a pin." She wasn't looking at Adam as he stood up.  
  
"I'm sorry." he said softly.  
  
"Yeah well it doesn't matter. I'm done with this and you. Why didn't you tell me you were in AA?! I know a lot about you except that. Are you ashamed?" Addy asked looking up at him. His brow furrowed.  
  
"I didn't tell you because you didn't ask. You ask me other shit about me but didn't you notice I never drink? AA has been a part of my life since I was 17. A big part of my life. I'm not gonna talk your fucking ear off about shit you don't ask." Adam said with an annoyed voice. With her mouth hanging open her eyes narrowed.  
  
"How was I supposed to know to ask that?! When you don't talk to me for two weeks straight?! When you come in and out of my life and put me on a fucking shelf where you decide when to take me off it to play with me?! You hide from me Adam!" Addy yelled getting up and stared up at him. A taxi pulled up in that moment and Marnie and Hannah got out of it.  
  
"Get away from her!" Marnie yelled.  
  
"Yeah we know all about you and your sick ways!" Hannah yelled.  
  
"I am so fuuuuucking out of here." Adam said as he grabbed his bike. Looking between her friends and Adam, something made her stomach drop.  
  
"Addy let's go!" Marnie yelled but Addy picked up Adam's backpack and walked towards him.  
  
"Wait! Adam! Here, don't forget your backpack." Addy said as she held out his backpack towards him. He looked at her with determination on his face.  
  
"Look kid, I don't know what you want from me. Do you want me to be your boyfriend? Is that what you want? Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend?!" he asked her forcefully but his eyes were soft. 

Addy took a breath and her eyes shone with unshed tears.  
  
"Yes you _pendejo_." Addy said as she walked towards him. He reached out to her pulling her close to him and kissing her. She looked up at him smiling.  
  
"Did you just call me an idiot?" Adam asked with a smirk. Addy laughed tearfully.  
  
"Yeah. I did," Addy said, getting up on her tiptoes to kiss him again, "Come home with me." she whispered.  
  
"Addy! You can't be serious! Let's go! I'm fucking tired!" Hannah yelled as Addy turned around and pulled Adam and his bike along.  
  
He put his bike on the bike rack on the trunk. Addy shooed Hannah to the front and slid in next to Marnie and Adam slid next to Addy, smiling brightly as Adam took her hand and kissed it. 

* * *

His monologue made her smile. It was a bit raunchy, nerdy, sweet, and so him. He got upset about something and she followed him out of the theater with a mouthed apology to the guy he had just yelled at.  
  
"What happened?" Addy asked as she followed Adam down the sidewalk.  
  
"I knew he was going to change it! Fuck him! Fuck this stupid play! I'm not doing it." Adam fumed.  
  
"It's not stupid. It made me want to go back in time to when I was 13 and kiss 15 year old you." Addy said as Adam slipped his extremely large hand into her tiny one.  
  
She beamed up at him and he gave her a small smile. She followed him across the street but he pushed her back when a car almost hit them. Her heart was beating so fast and she had been terrified.  
  
"Can't you see I'm walking with a woman?! You almost hit us you fucking cunt-satchel! Fuck you!" Adam yelled as he stalked past the car and Addy followed behind him still scared by almost getting hit.  
  
They reached his apartment and he threw down his backpack and she followed suit.  
  
"I almost got hit by that car." she said softly as he peeled off his shirt.  
  
"Let's not go outside for the rest of today ok?" Adam said as he began to pull her in. She felt gross and stinky.  
  
"Yeah that's a good plan." she said, taking a deep breath.  
  
"So what do you wanna do now?" he asked with a seductive voice.  
  
"Shower." Addy said as she grabbed her backpack and made her way to the bathroom.  
  
She peeled off her clothes and turned on the shower getting in and letting the lukewarm water hit her, closing her eyes. When she opened them Adam was standing there with a childish look on his face. She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him, splashing him with a bit of water.  
  
"Shampoo?" he asked, holding up her bottle.  
  
"No but can you hand me my body wash and my loofah please?" Addy asked and Adam handed her both and she turned around with her back facing him and began scrubbing her skin. She heard him chuckle behind her, "What?"  
  
"Nothing." he chuckled again and she felt something warm hit her leg.  
  
She looked down and saw him peeing on her. Her mouth hung open for a moment and she scrunched up her face and then burst out laughing as she gathered water in her mouth and spit it in his face. She stuck out her tongue and he pulled her in for a kiss.  
  
"Wash my hair?" she said turning back around as he grabbed her shampoo and washed her hair for her. She would get even for the pee.  
  
Later she was in her favorite pj shorts, sports bra, and tank top. Her hair was up in a messy wet bun and she was reading a book.  
  
"I'm sorry about peeing on you." he said from the kitchen. Adam was making them a simple dinner of chicken and rice.  
  
"It's ok, it didn't bother me. I mean we were in the shower and it was easy to wash off. Be prepared though, I'll get you back. I was just thinking how you should really do that play." Addy said, closing the book and tucking her legs underneath her. Adam walked out of the kitchen shaking his head.  
  
"No kid. It ruins my integrity and that's important in life." he said, taking a bite of his chicken.  
  
"You really came alive on stage. It's like when I dance. That's where I am. You see my emotions and feelings and I saw that in you today. I felt so proud." Addy said, taking a bite of her rice.

Looking at Addy, Adam was quiet for a moment as if contemplating what she had said. His face softened.  
  
"Alright, I think I'm gonna do it or let him do it but have him change some parts and I'll use a pseudonym." Adam said taking a drink of his soda.  
  
"What's your pseudonym?" Addy asked with an arched eyebrow.  
  
"Benjamin fucking Franklin." he answered and Addy giggled a bit.  
  
"I almost got hit by a car today." Addy said thinking about it. Adam looked at her and licked his lips.  
  
"Yeah you did." he answered.  
  
"You yelled at the driver. I know you meant well but it was a little embarrassing Adam," Addy said looking off into the distance and began to finish eating. Adam stayed quiet, not sure what to make of what she said, "I think I'm gonna go to sleep." Addy got off the couch and washed her empty plate and walked to the bedroom.  
  
The ac was on as she settled into his bed. It was cold in his room just the way she liked it and she cuddled up in his comfy bed and fell asleep. 

Sometime later in the night she heard his front door open.  
  
"Kid get up!" Adam said loudly as Addy opened her eyes and yawned. He was fully dressed.  
  
"Adam what the fuck? It's 2 in the morning and I'm tired, the fuck are you doing?" Addy asked half asleep.  
  
"Come on kid, get your shoes on and come downstairs." Adam said hurriedly as Addy trudged out of bed and put her vans on.  
  
Walking downstairs and outside, Addy followed Adam around to the side of his building. Looking at the wall she noticed the 'I'm sorry' written all over it.  
  
"What's..." Addy trailed off.  
  
"I shouldn't have yelled at that driver like that but he almost hit you and that scared the fuck out of me. I'll be sorry about it for the rest of my life but I can't go and track him down to apologize so this is the next best thing. I'm sorry to you too kid." he said sheepishly running his hand through his hair. Addy smiled and walked up to him throwing her arms around his. He had to bend down even though she was standing on her tiptoes.  
  
"Thank you." Addy said against his lips. He pulled back and guided her towards the wall.  
  
"Come on and help me." he said as he made her spread her legs. He got under her and lifted her so she was sitting on his shoulders. He handed her the paper and the brush with the glue. She stuck it on the wall.  
  
"Ok now what?" she asked as he backed up from the wall grabbed her hands and started running.  
  
"Come on let's go fuck!" he yelled as she laughed loudly while he ran back towards his apartment.

* * *

Addy was laying on her side watching him sleep. He had his arm wrapped protectively around her. She smiled to herself and stroked his face connecting his moles and beauty marks causing his face to twitch a bit. The realization hit her, she was in love with him and it scared the fuck out of her. She didn't think this could happen. Addy started to panic and she couldn't catch her breath. She pushed Adam hard to get him off her so she could sit up causing him to shoot up in confusion.   
  
"What's wrong kid?" he asked in a panicked voice as Addy tried to take in deep breaths. Adam put his large hand over her heart, "Follow my breathing. Breath with me kid."   
  
Addy did what he said and soon she found herself relaxing and calming down. She didn't deserve him, she was broken and she knew that. She was bipolar and on medication but she hadn't had her dosage adjusted in months. She knew she was going to hit an episode either hypomanic or depressive one of these days and she didn't know if Adam could handle it. Didn't even know if he would be able to handle her illness. Most people found it hard to keep a relationship with someone with a mental illness. It was frightening to think about. Addy didn't want to scare him or make him worry or pity her.   
  
"Thank you." Addy said softly as he pulled her into his embrace. Did he love her? She wondered but she wasn't going to say anything.   
  
"I got you kid." Adam whispered as she rested her head on his chest and felt him kiss the top of her head. She fell back asleep.   


* * *

A few days later she was showing up to a secret party she had been invited to. Shosh hugged her tightly. Marnie had moved out a couple weeks prior after she and Hannah got into a huge fight. Addy didn't pick sides, they were her friends. Marnie now lived with Shosh and Hannah and Addy needed a roommate.   
  
Adam turned up and stood at the bottom of the steps.   
  
"You look very beautiful." he said as Addy beamed a bright smile.   
  
"Thank you baby. You look handsome." she said as he walked up the steps and she leaned down to kiss him.   
  
Suddenly she heard a person tell them to gather downstairs. Jessa appeared with some dude and Jessa was getting married. Jessa was impulsive and Addy was sure that Jessa had borderline personality disorder with the way she acted. Addy had talked about it to Adam on many occasions but she never talked about herself being bipolar; she was scared to.   
  
Dancing tightly in his arms to a version of Maybe I'm Amazed was breathtaking. Stepping back, Addy did a little dance with her arms raised above her head, she was tipsy.   
  
"Hey slow down there we're in this for the long haul kid." Adam said sweetly to Addy as she smiled up at him snuggling in closer.   
  
"Are we?" she mumbled into his shirt and he lifted up her chin so she was looking at him.   
  
"Yeah." is all he said as she put her head back against his chest.   
  
Suddenly a rush of fear hit her because he would leave her any day now. They always left. People who she loved couldn't deal with her.   


* * *

  
Elijah said he would move in and she felt relieved. She sat on Adam's lap and kissed him and stroked her favorite mole on his face.   
  
"You don't have to move in, Elijah said he would, so you're off the hook." Addy said as Adam pulled back with an annoyed look on his face.   
  
"What?" he asked in his way.   
  
"Yeah Elijah said he would move in so you're off the hook." Addy said not understanding.   
  
"I wasn't doing it to help you. I was doing it because I love you." Adam said as Addy looked at him with wide eyes.   
  
"You love me? I didn't think that you went for that kind of thing." Addy said, wishing she could take back what she had just said.   
  
"Went for what? Love? You think I don't believe in it?" Adam asked incredulously. Addy swallowed visibly.   
  
"I don't know, you've never really been forthcoming with your feelings." she said as he pushed her off clearly annoyed.   
  
"Next time you fuck me from behind you might wanna pull my hair back." Adam said angrily and he stormed off leaving Addy flabbergasted. He was hurt because he truly loved her.   
  
Addy didn't feel like being around anyone. All she wanted was to be completely open and honest with Adam but she was so scared. Biting her lip and taking a deep breath she followed after him.   
  
"Adam! Adam!" she shouted as she crossed the street to where he was pacing and running his hand through his hair. It was something he did when he was nervous or deep in thought or angry, "Why are you mad?"   
  
"You know you're something else! I told you when I commit I really fucking commit. This is how you act, like a fucking bitch!" Adam shouted at her causing Addy to take a step back from him. She was shaking but she knew him, knew he would never physically hurt her. Ever.   
  
"I'm scared." Addy said softly, her eyes filling with tears. It was now or never.   
  
"Everyone is fucking scared!" Adam shouted as Addy looked him square in the eyes.   
  
"No Adam, I'm really scared. I'm scared that if you see the real me you'll leave and all of this would be a waste because I'm in love with you. I've  **_never_ ** been in love. Not really. Not like I am with you. I love you so much that it scares the fuck out of me." Addy said as tears streamed down her face.   
  
"The real you? So you haven't been real with me?" Adam yelled as Addy stepped towards him onto the sidewalk.   
  
"Adam, I wanna tell you everything but I don't know how. I don't want you to look at me differently." Addy said as Adam walked past her stepping into the street.   
  
"You're a real piece of work you know that. You don't think I could handle it?! When you love someone you take the good with the bad and fuck me because I love you and I'm in love with you too!" Adam yelled almost getting hit by a car.   
  
"Adam get out of the street!" Addy yelled at him but he stayed where he was.   
  
"This isn't gonna work if you aren't honest with me about who you are! You fucking chase me and I get all comfortable with you. I'm gonna leave?! You're pushing me away!" Adam yelled.   
  
"Get out of the fucking street!" Addy yelled when a truck came out of nowhere striking Adam. Addy screamed and ran to him pulling out her cellphone.   
  
"Holy fucking shit!" Adam yelled in pain. Addy dialed 911.   
  
"Yes my boyfriend was just hit by a truck. Please hurry!" Addy said, panicking. She stayed on the phone until the ambulance showed up.   
  
They put him on a stretcher and she tried to get in the ambulance with him.   
  
"I think he has a concussion." Addy said as she walked next to the stretcher.   
  
"I wish I had a fuckin concussion," Adam muttered as Addy tried to climb in the back of the ambulance, "No. Family only right? Sorry family only." Adam said with an angry look.   
  
"Adam... I love you. Please." Addy pleaded as Adam's face softened causing him to sigh.   
  
"Wait, she's my girlfriend, I want her with me." Adam said as Addy climbed into the rig settling in and stroking his hair softly.   
  
"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Addy said as Adam nuzzled into her hand.   
  
"I'm sorry." Adam said with a pained expression as the paramedics pushed morphine.

"So am I." Addy said as she sat back looking at her tall, hot, weird boyfriend. Her boyfriend who was in love with her just as much as she was with him. 

It still scared the fuck out of her but she was in it for the long haul. She would tell him everything tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.


End file.
